Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
