I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
