I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
