there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize