I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
