How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
