This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
