Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
