dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
