I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
