i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
