So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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