I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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