You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
