apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
