oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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