I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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