Can i not drive my cunt home
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
