But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
