literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
