someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
