woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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