Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
