i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
