I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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