i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
