i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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