I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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