like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
