I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
