I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
