Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
