I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
