Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Terrible idea I love it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
