I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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