somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
