my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
