Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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