you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
