and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
