I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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