I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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