matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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