I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
