I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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