you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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