I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
