Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
