So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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