the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
