I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
