Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize