Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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