i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
