We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
