Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
