I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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