Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
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