I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
