I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
