I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am one with the molecules
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
