I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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