You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
