i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
