Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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